I'm over 50 and single, is it too late for me to find my partner?

We have been getting a lot of “is it too late” questions lately from readers, and not just over the age of 50.  We have heard this same question from clients in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s and we mention that to specifically call out that this fear is not age specific, but more universal than some might think.  

To cut to the chase, let us say a resounding and unequivocal NO to this question.  You are not too old, at any age, to find love.  And to extend beyond just love…you are not too old to start a business, get in great shape, begin a spiritual practice, learn to play an instrument/new skill or change something about your life that isn’t working.  

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way…let’s discuss the 2 most common reasons that we have heard from clients over the years that have led people to believe that age is a factor in attracting a partner.  

“If it hasn’t happened yet, it isn’t likely to happen in the future.”  

This is perhaps the most common fear we’ve heard from clients over the years.  The ironic thing about this is that it’s absolutely true…with a very clear caveat: if you don’t change something about yourself, your situation, how you are going about thinking and acting in this area of your life…then yes, you are absolutely right, it isn’t likely to change in the future.  If you have not yet found the success you desire in this area, it’s surely because of something that you are doing or not doing, and not because of luck or fate or something vastly out of your control.  Have you gotten curious about what might not be working on your end?  The thing is, we are not self cleaning ovens, and often it takes somebody outside of our self to identify what needs to shift and change in order to generate different results.

Have you asked your friends and/or family what they think?  Have you seen a therapist or a coach about this?  Have you overturned the stones from your past with enough objectivity to find answers?  Are you currently striving to be the best version of yourself?  Have you examined your belief system about love? These are all questions to point you in the direction(s) of what might not be working.  The good news about this is that by beginning to answer these questions, you are already on a path to changing your future.  

The most important thing to mention about this fear, and we have written whole articles on this very idea before, is that if you believe you are too old, then you are too old.  So first and foremost, you must subscribe to a new belief system about this.  If you are struggling with this, try writing a new belief that is in line with what you want to create for yourself.  Something like “the timing of my lovestory is perfect” but in your own words.  Then, go find some hard and fast evidence for your new belief in the real world.  This is why a simple exercise like googling something like “couples who found love in their 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, even 80’s and 90’s” can be so powerful.  You discover hard evidence that is contrary to your old belief and in support of your new belief.  

“The older I get, the smaller the dating pool is.”  

On paper, this is true-ish.  Yes, the older one gets, the smaller the pool of people there are out there.  Ultimately though, why does this “fact” matter exactly?  Why, when there is ample evidence to the contrary of people who find the love of their life, later in their life, would you use this as a reason to not believe in your own love story?  You could easily create other, also factual narratives in support of what you want to create in your life instead.  For example: in that potentially smaller dating pool, there are more people who know what they want in life, who they are, what they value, and more people who have learned from their past mistakes and relationships than there are in larger, younger dating pools.  This is just as powerful of a thing to focus on, and is directly in line with what you want to create in your life versus in opposition to it.  

“The older I get, the older I look.”  

Yes, also true.  First of all, older doesn’t necessarily mean less attractive or desirable, to at least most people, so unless you are trying to find somebody 20 or 30 years younger than you, this isn’t a real issue.  Most importantly however, the older one gets, the more they recognize that youth is a fleeting and superficial facet of the many faces of real beauty.  If you attract somebody worthwhile to be with, they should subscribe to that same way of thinking. 

See how we can quickly do a 180 degree turn on a limiting belief system?  This is not just a think and grow rich plan, where if you just believe it it will come but it’s a powerful first step.  When you accompany this step, your changing mentality with a change in actions as well, watch what happens!