How do I tell someone I'm dating that I'm a high-net worth individual?
This is a question we received a few weeks ago that we loved. Part of what we love about this question is the fact that so many high-net worth individuals use their net worth — or even flaunt their net worth — in order to attract a mate or mates, and yet this question is the opposite. This question is basically saying, “I’m nervous that this information might change how the person I’m dating views or treats me, and I want my partner to love me for me, not because I have a secret trust fund.”
This is a very appropriate question for where we live because this town is full of secret trust funds and high-net worth individuals — some flaunt it but many who do not.
Ultimately, though, this question needs to be answered in a broader sense because we all have things that we are afraid to share with our partners for fear that sharing them might change the dynamic in the relationship or even make somebody not want to be with us anymore. We would like to address this specific question by speaking about this broader concept that all of us have to deal with in intimate relationships: “How do I tell the truth to my partner about something I’m scared to tell the truth about?”
Think about the myriad things that we fear sharing with others — especially somebody we are dating. There are infinite examples, but some common ones that we have seen over the years include cheating/being cheated on in the past, past sexual or other forms of trauma, jealousy issues, debt or large inheritances, sobriety, STDs, sexual fantasies and sexual preferences, past lovers and sexual experiences and other issues where shame or embarrassment are present. Like we mentioned above, the underlying fear of sharing any of these things is the fear of being rejected by your partner or fear of being looked at or treated differently.
Not ironically, however, therein lies the major opportunity that these potential conversations entail: the ability to be vulnerable and real with somebody and the subsequent understanding that vulnerability and honesty can only lead to positive outcomes — at least in the long run.
Say you share something intimate with somebody you are dating and they do in fact reject you in some way. In the short term, yes, this can be a horrible experience and even reopen the original wound or further solidify your fear around the given topic. But in the long run, your honesty and vulnerability just saved you from being with somebody who is ultimately wrong for you because if they were right for you, your vulnerability would have only brought you closer and deepened your intimacy. There is faith that you must have in the truth of who you are and the things you wish to share with the person or people with whom you want to be intimate. That faith says that whoever is deserving of the real you will love the real you, and whoever can’t hang with the real you doesn’t deserve you in the first place. In fact, this is faith in real love. Sharing yourself — your real self with your potential partner(s?) — is perhaps the best vetting process you can have.
The “how” of this is quite simple. Let whoever you want to share this information with know that there is something important that you want to share with them and set aside some time to do so. Let them know that this is scary and vulnerable for you and speak to your fears about it: “I’m scared that you might not love me, or might look at me differently,” etc. Then tell them whatever you need to tell them. Do your best to let go of your attachment to an outcome here, as difficult as that may be. Know that vulnerability and honesty are the cornerstones of any worthwhile relationship and trust that by being vulnerable and honest you are assuring that whatever happens will be the right thing for you in the long term — and most likely in the short term, as well.
