Breaking Free from Old Patterns in 2024
Happy 2024! As we all emerge from the holidays and living with tinsel covered glasses on, let's take today to take a look at the new year ahead. The new year and what it represents can feel like a double edged sword for many of us. New Years stands as a powerful signpost of new beginnings and the shedding of old skin, but it also can remind us of all of the patterns and bad habits we haven’t yet been able to kick over the previous year, many of which have been on our “resolutions list” for perhaps many years in a row.
The New Year has been bringing up a lot of desire for change in both our readers and clients alike. Questions/comments like: “I have to make this year different than last year!” “I’m tired of being single and attracting the same kinds of men/women over and over again.” “How do I attract something different in 2024?” “How can my partner and I stop fighting about the same issue we’ve been fighting about for years in 2024?” The list goes on and on so we thought it would be helpful, given the heightened focus so many of us are having on making positive changes, to offer a few tips and guidelines to steer all of us, ourselves included, in the right direction to kick off the year. These can be applied to any area of life so for whatever any of you are dealing with, hopefully the following can help.
Number 1: “Search for patterns.” For whatever area of your love life or relationship you want to focus on changing, get super honest with yourself about patterns that have been repeating themselves over and over again. Anywhere there is a pattern, you can be sure that there is an underlying belief system and way of thinking that is keeping you stuck in the same loop. Some examples of patterns are, but are not limited to: You keep attracting partners who cheat on you. You keep getting ghosted. You keep getting angry about the same thing over and over again with your spouse. You keep losing interest after you sleep with somebody. You continue to fall for unavailable people. Your partner keeps avoiding sex with you, or you with them.
Number 2: “Focus on the thoughts.” For every pattern that we keep repeating in our life, there is an underlying set of beliefs living in our subconscious mind that we need to become aware of and subsequently change. How to uncover these beliefs is simple, but requires a willingness to be super honest with yourself. The method of uncovering these subconscious beliefs is to first start paying attention to what your thoughts sound like about whatever the problem area is. So for the example above of continuously falling for unavailable people, (a super common pattern btw), get curious about what the corresponding thoughts are that are co-creating this pattern in your life. Perhaps they are thoughts of feeling unworthy or like “this area of love just isn’t in the cards for you” or that “there are just no good people to date in Aspen.” Perhaps they are thoughts about how if you can just get xyz person to fall for you, then you will finally feel good about yourself. Maybe they are more subtle and not as on the nose, like thinking about tactics of seductions and games to play to win and manipulate someone’s affection. Maybe they are not so obvious thoughts but ones that are directly related to the pattern such as telling yourself that you’ve just never been attracted to people who like you back or treat you with the respect you say you want. Or even telling yourself that there is something wrong with the ones who chase after you versus the ones who you are chasing after. Whatever these thoughts are, become keenly aware of them and then work backwards. For a different result in your life and to break this pattern, you will need to start to think different thoughts and stop engaging with these old thoughts. Ask yourself what belief system you would need in order to break out of this cycle and what corresponding thoughts would go with that belief system? Write them down and start to consciously practice thinking these new thoughts consistently and repetitively.
Number 3: “Focus on the actions.” For every pattern that we keep repeating in our lives, there are both corresponding thoughts associated with it and corresponding actions and/or non-actions causing it as well. Same rule applies here: What actions have you consistently been taking that lead to the same result? What actions have you been avoiding out of fear or laziness that would generate a different result? For the same example as above, maybe you actively step over red flags when you start dating somebody out of fear of pushing somebody away. Or maybe you sleep with people too early on and then lose interest in them or them in you? Maybe you pretend that you are cool just being casual with somebody but are secretly hoping for more and instead of telling the truth about it, you keep it to yourself and then become needy? Or are you in a relationship, and harboring pent up resentments that you don't believe that you can communicate? Along the same lines as changing your thoughts to generate a different result, ask yourself what actions would be in line with the result that you want to generate for yourself, write them down and then hold yourself accountable to changing them. Buttress this new plan of action with the magic of disengaging from old patterns of thinking, and consciously thinking new thoughts in line with your new ideals and you have a surefire path forward to making 2024, a truly, brand new year.
