Dating in My City Is Hard
This weekend we were out to dinner and a very nice woman came over to us and started talking to us about how challenging it is to date in our town. Her complaints were that the dating pool is small and everybody knows your business because it’s such a tiny community. She spoke about how the lack of anonymity made it hard for her to date and feel comfortable getting to know new people. This is indeed not the first time we have heard this from single people here in the valley so we thought it would be good to revisit this in today's column and offer some thoughts that can hopefully be helpful and make it easier for our single readers to find love in this magical place we call home.
The first thing to understand is that we hear this same complaint from people who live in New York City, London, Los Angeles, Texas, small towns in the US, big cities in Europe, the full gamut honestly. We have the privilege of getting to coach clients all over the world, and what we have seen is that no matter where somebody lives, the place that they live can easily become a scapegoat for why they are still single.
Now here is the thing; no matter where you live, there is what is great about dating there, and what sucks about dating there. We’ve heard from our local Aspen clients that it would be so much easier to date in New York or L.A. because the dating pool is so much bigger and the anonymity of dating in those cities would make the process far more painless. We’ve heard from our New York clients about how much easier it would be to date in a place like Aspen because a place like Aspen attracts so many people who share similar interests and values vs. having to wade through the massive amounts of people who live in NYC. We’ve heard from our American clients about how much easier it would be to date Europeans because they just “get it” more than Americans, and from our European clients, how much easier it would be to date in America because American culture is so much more in line with what they are looking for in a partner. Regardless of where somebody lives, the grass really can feel so much greener somewhere else.
The most important thing to understand is that while there is the reality of what is both great about dating in your chosen city, and what sucks about dating in your current city, none of that is why you are still single. The truth is that people are finding the love of their lives all over the world. In this valley alone we know so many people who have found love and gotten married and started families in the past few years alone. What sucks about dating wherever you live is what sucks about dating wherever you live, but doesn’t have to be a factor that prevents you from finding love. The only factor that prevents anyone from finding love is themselves. Plain and simple. And unless you are willing to move to a whole new city, scapegoating your current one serves only as a distraction from the real issues that are keeping you single, which is you!
It’s not that the challenges of dating in your town, or anywhere for that matter aren’t real. They are real, but they just don’t have to be factors that prevent you from having the life that you want. The more you blame your external circumstances, the deeper you dig yourself into a self created hole that is harder and harder to get out of and the more you relinquish your own power to change your life.
The reason anybody who desires to be in partnership is single is fundamentally an internal one. Unconscious negative beliefs about love, unexplored trauma from childhood, repeating the same bad habits over and over again, picking the same wrong people over and over again, the list goes on. But, if you deal with your own limiting beliefs about yourself and love, and do the personal work to understand your patterns, learn from the mistakes from your past and strive to rectify them moving forward, as well as take proactive steps to be the best version of yourself in all areas of your life, all of the other external factors like your place of residence will sort themselves out on their own. If you do this, you can’t not attract the love that you desire and deserve.
It really is that simple but can be a tough pill to swallow. Stop blaming your external circumstances. Do the inner work, and your outer circumstances will change. As always, don’t hesitate to reach out to us with any questions we can answer for you and thank you for reading.
