Dating Habits to Drop
There is so much bad dating advice out there and today, we wanted to highlight 4 very bad pieces of dating advice that we unfortunately see all too often in this space. For all our single readers out there, a great first step to attracting the love of your life in 2025 would be to discard these common misconceptions.
The first and most common piece of bad dating advice that we see is to “just be yourself.” I’m sure most of our readers have either heard this advice from a well meaning friend, parent, or even coach or therapist over the years, or have even offered it to friends and loved ones with the best of intentions. Now, if you are somebody who is fit, confident in themselves and their abilities, healthy of mind, body and spirit, and has been working on becoming the best version of yourself in the key areas of your life, then yes, please be yourself! However, if you have been stuck in patterns of mediocrity, laziness, too much screen time, are overweight, and avoiding facing your fears and dealing with your issues, then please, before you just “be yourself” on dates, start working on yourself first. The best piece of dating advice that we can offer anybody is to focus on being the best version of yourself first and foremost in your own life. If you do that, then you will naturally attract more potential high quality partners than you could possibly have time for. If you are not doing this, start now, and then start dating. Do you have to be perfect before you meet somebody? Absolutely not! You just have to be actively in the game of being the best you you can be.
The 2nd piece of bad dating advice to do away with in 2025 is that it doesn’t matter when you sleep with somebody. So many of our clients over the years have espoused this notion that we live in a progressive and sex positive culture and that waiting to sleep with somebody until you start dating is quite the old fashioned idea indeed. While we have certainly progressed beyond the prudish and repressed pilgrims that we used to be, the timing of when you sleep with somebody in the early phases of dating absolutely still matters. We have written about this before and subsequently received hate mail from readers in our community suggesting that we are perpetuating old patriarchal and misogynistic beliefs, but we vehemently disagree. If you are serious about finding love, whether you are a man or a woman, do not sleep with somebody on the first date. Or the 2nd. And ideally, not the 3rd. Wait until you have made enough of an emotional connection with your new partner that it can no longer be overshadowed by your biology. This doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy foreplay and other forms of sexual intimacy, but wait to have intercourse until you have properly vetted your potential new partner. Why? Because, whether we like it or not, us humans value that which is scarce. It's very difficult to value something that is easy to attain. This isn’t an excuse to play games or play hard to get though. This is about actually valuing yourself enough to wait. If you are single and just want to mess around and have fun, then this notion doesn’t apply to you.
The 3rd piece of bad dating advice that we’ve heard is that if you are not a “hell yes,” then you are a “hell no.” Again, if you happen to be somebody that came from a healthy childhood, with super loving parents who demonstrated healthy forms of communication and lifelong commitment, then sure, it’s possible that you’ll attract healthy minded, well balanced people like your parents that you feel a “hell yes” for. But if you are like most of us, who didn’t have that picture perfect example of love set for us, then you likely feel a “hell yes” for the emotionally unavailable, manipulative, dysfunctional and unhealthy partners of the past, and a general “blah” for anybody that has actually shown a modicum of kindness and integrity towards you. Does this mean that you should feel “blah” about whoever it is you're dating. Absolutely not. It just means that if you have a pattern of picking the wrong people in the past, it would behoove you to work with a professional to uncover the underlying patterns and beliefs that continue to attract the wrong people, so that you can start attracting the right ones.
The last bad piece of dating advice to stop following in 2025 is actually not so much a piece of advice, but more so a common pattern that we have seen so many people fall into in the early phases of dating which is that when people start to like somebody, they naturally stop dating others way too early. Until you are ready to commit to somebody, have had the exclusivity discussion (if you both want to be exclusive) and have properly vetted them, you should absolutely be dating others as well. Not dating others makes it far too easy to step over red flags and see your new partner through rose colored glasses. Additionally, it robs you of the abundant mentality that is needed in order to feel confident and self expressed with whoever it is that you are dating and subsequently increases the chances of you getting really needy.
